Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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