The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
