2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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