Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Drake has all the answers
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
