i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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