we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
