If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
we're making bets on your personal life
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
