Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
If I had your ass I would rule the world
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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