You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
im drinking this country out of the recession.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
