if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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