Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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