We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
