Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
