I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
