This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
