yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
