Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
