I'm eating all of the evidence.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
