I think i sorta joined a cult last night
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
