I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
