if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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