Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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