My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
