we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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