im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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