East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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