she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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