Don't you send me to vm
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Randomize
