i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
