have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
