just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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