I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
