I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
