Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
