I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
