what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
