I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
