We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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