My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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