ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
