I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
