peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
third nipple confirmed
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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