help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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