He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
True strength comes from lack of pants
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
