Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
