if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
