Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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