Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
