I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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