I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
